Her Candy Hero (Taylor Swift Parody) | Brooke and Jeffrey

Are you the guy who always screws up plans for Valentine’s Day?? Well, you probably don’t deserve it… but here’s a song just for you! Instead of Taylor Swift’s “Anti Hero” it’s Young Jeffrey’s “Her Candy Hero”
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I’m not the best at getting gifts
for my girl to surprise her
She didn’t love the motel room
Turns out the coupon book for “ONE FREE HUG” did not entice her
Nor did the gas Station Perfume

I’ve bought her lingerie at bargain prices,
That were 4 sizes too wide and
Some Bedroom Devices (Is that Such a Crime?)
Or things well-meaning, for cleaning
New Vacuum, it hit the ceiling
“But it’s a Dyson!” I’m Screaming (for the last time!)

You see!? I’m Cringe Romantically
She scream, “WHY!?” when she saw I got, Summer’s Eve
I never thought a box of chocolates, could’ve caused disaster til
I ate half on the Drive Home, guess i’m not her candy hero

She’s told me several times, she thinks that BBQ is tasty!
Bought her utensils for the Grill
And while she flips those heart-shaped burgers, I say: “You are Pretty”
Just like Ben Affleck, She looks thrilled!

I keep on swingin’ & missin’, with my Valentine Gift Givin’
I just Receive Criticism (Every Single Time)
I’ve had Eureka Ideas,
Like giving handfuls of peanuts,
and travel packets of Kleenex (The softest kind!)

And she likes Lobster Tail & sushi…
But me? I’m, I’m strapped financially
Seafood Buffet down at the Strip Club was a total failure and,
So were the flowers that I borrowed from the fancy funeral…

I’ve given up! Decided maybe I’ll just give her money?
Then found a Card, i thought would kill!
“Lets Make it Rain on Cupid’s Day” the Perfect Hallmark Greeting,
and stuffed onside, One Dollar Bills!

A refined Prius ride for my queen
She Declined to split the Uber with me
Maybe I called “shotgun” too eagerly? (Shotgun too Eagerly?)
“Oh, you wanted me to sit in the back with you? oops…”

Then she sighed, at the Hair-net I weaved
So me, I just got down onto one knee…
Wrote “Will you Marry me?” in blood across her Bathroom Mirror, but,
I spelled her name wrong, with two A’s, Apparently there’s ZERO

“It’s Alaine, right?”..
“No, I’m Ellen…”