Prep your wallet and your waistline, it’s Girl Scout Cookie season! Instead of Olivia Rodrigo’s “Good 4 U” it’s Young Jeffrey’s “Pigtail Crew!”
The “Pigtail Crew”, is out there waitin’ by the Grocery,
They Come in Troops, and Wear Berets, like Little Infantry,
I’m on a Diet, but their Cookies are the Best in the World.
So, I’ll take two, NO wait a minute, better make that Twelve,
Inhale a box inside my Car, and then I Ask myself,
“Did I just Hand $200 to a Little Girl? 🤔 ”
Well here’s the Truth, these Brownies have Caught me,
Got Me, Even when I Ran outta Cash,
Take my Credit Card, and go and Double Charge Me,
Largely, to Get another Colorful Badge,
Caramel DeLites, I Lose the Fight
Munchin’, Like a Garbage Can Racoon…
So COOKIE Addicted, the Bag I just licked it,
Guess I’m, Just “That Dude”!
And like a mass of Hungry Sharks, these Girls are on the Lurk,
They send their Parents to the Office, do their Dirty work,
I know you Love your Precious Daughter, Lady,
But I’m Broke! No Joke! I’m Tapped (“Maybe just ONE TAGALONG?”)
They Call ’em, Thin Mints, but they hit this Body Differently!
That’s why my Yoga Pants have Lost their Elasticity
Cookies, I Abuse ’em!
Do-Si-Dos, I Do’s ’em!,
Make ’em Disappear, Like David Copperfield Illusions!
I Beg of You, Somebody just Slap Me, HELP ME!,
I’m the Cookie Monster On Crack
And If I ever See a PET ROCK… hoardin’, Shortbread
Me & Elmo Go Cookie MAD!
They’re Organized, The Perfect Crime
Small Girls… Trained to Prey on You…
They Empy my Debit, No, I Don’t Regret It
Cuz I Got.. MORE TO CHEW!
The new one is called “Adventurefuls”…
It’s a Brownie cup, filled With Caramel!
… Craving is Uncontrollable
Like a College Kid, Drawn to Fireball
… Found a Trefoil in a-Shopping Mall
I ate it off the floor, of the Bathroom Stall!
… If my Supply Gets Fully Done
Just Check my Roomba, for some Cookies Crumbs!
This Girl Scout Troop, consisting of Kelsey, Chelsea,
Emma, Ava, Kayla and Beth!
Was that WEIRD i Knew all of their names? I Swear I’m
Only buying Cookies from Them!
We Buy & Buy, I don’t know why!?
Each Time, It’s Cookie Deja-vu
Famous Amos Deflated, The Keebler’s got Shaded,
By The “PIGTAIL CREW”!