If you don’t see one of these types of people at a wedding, then you’re probably one of them! Instead of Maroon 5’s “She Will Be Loved” it’s Young Jeffrey’s “They Will Be Shoved!”
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Full Lyrics:
Nervous Groom just Standing Awkwardly, about to Sweat through his Lapel…
The Wedding Planner’s Running around Like she’s some kinda Methed-Up Santa’s Elf…
We wait for a While, and Smile, and Drink then Wait some More…
We turn all our Eyes down the Aisle, Watch the Bride Walk across that Floor!
The Bride’s Dad, You can Feel His Pain…
This musta Cost More than Fundin’ Ukraine!
The Bride’s Mom, Seems OK for a While…
But soon she’ll cry like Amber Heard on Trial.
Family WILL Be Stunned…
Did the Groom, Use Tongue?
Think Grandma Dorothy had way too much wine, Stuff she sayin’ is unsuitable…
Vowing to score some Strange cuz Grandpa Ike’s, Wedding Tackle’s, Unusable!
But who is that cutie that I Spy, on the Bride’s side, just Dancing Alone? (Yeah)
Somebody told me we MAY be 3rd cousins, But Hey, it’s a Wedding Soooo (Why not?)
Cut in Line, at the Dinner Buffet…
Took so much Brisket, I’ma Need Two Plates…
The Vegan Guest, gives a Heavy Sigh…
Meanwhile the Foodie, claims the Beef’s too Dry…
Menus Will Be Judged…
Free Booze Will Be Chugged…
The Cake Will be Crumbs…
Next day We’ll Need TUMS…
Join the Conga Line…. Led By Your Aunt Barb,
She thought it was Fine, to dress in All White Garb…
See Drunk Uncle Lyle, Do the Sprinkler Arms…
The Way he’s Dancing, Leavin’ all these Young Kids Scared… (yea)
The Best Man Promised, He’d Keep this Speech Short….
That was Forty-Nine MINUTES ago…
That Single Guy… Lookin’ WAY outta Place…
Because they sat him, at the Children’s Table
That Single Girl, when the Bouquet Flies…
She’ll Turn this Floor into Vegas Fight Night!
Bridesmaids Will be Shoved…
And, there Will be Blood…
Your Friend Jill, got Slugged
Boyfriend, He’ll Just Shrug
The Wedding Crashers, use Names that are Fake…
Here for the Ladies, and the FREE Crab Cakes!
(PLEASE. DON’T. TRY. TO. MOUTH. KISS. WITH. THE. BRIDE)
(PLEASE. DON’T. BE. THAT. GUY. WHO’S. DRUNK. AND. BARFS)
(PLEASE. DON’T. BE. THAT. GUEST. WHO. STEALS. THE. FORKS!)